Finding Inspiration with a Heavy Heart

 


This morning I had every intention of writing up a lovely Friday inspiration post about an article I recently read in the New Yorker. The article, written by Jhumpa Lahiri, talks about her journey to learn Italian, and how learning the language opened up a new world for her. It was light, it was sweet, it was insightful.

I am not writing that post today because, before I could do so, I was called into a meeting. I walked into a not well lit room where students and teachers were listening to the Vice-Rector of our campus give some disturbing news. A student was kidnapped and murdered. We all need to be careful. We all need to be mindful. And we all need to take care of ourselves and each other.

I cannot imagine getting that call, that call that your child is dead. The word is so final. There is no possibility left in it. And yet, after this meeting, we are expected to go on: to class, to labs, to holiday travels. How do we continue to find inspiration in moments like this where our blood has run just slightly colder?

Everyone has their theories as to why this happened. We arm ourselves with them; they help us feel safe. But the reality is that sometimes these things just happen. Maybe you could have been more guarded with your information, maybe you could have made sure to take a buddy along, and maybe you could have skipped that late night concert, and maybe trouble still would have befallen you. Living in fear is not living.

In moments like this, after I have taken a moment to feel for those affected, especially the parents, I try to remember that there is still life to live. That there is still ground under my feet, breath in my lungs, and possibility in my path. A life was taken, but how many more lives came into the world? We know when we enter into this earthly realm that at some point we will have to leave it. Knowing that demands that we get every drop of life out that we can, whatever that looks like for us.

I am sad that this student is gone. I am sad that so many people lose there lives everyday because of violence and ugliness. And I can only pray that those people were able to enjoy the lives that they did have. I can only pray that those people did not suffer too much in death. And I can only pray that the rest of us, with the time that we are granted, will use it well.

Wednesday Art Moment

(c) Jimmy Nelson

The first time I met a Mayan person, I thought I was dreaming. I had been taught that Mayans didn't exist anymore. And yet, here was this person, with a language and a culture, that I thought only existed in textbooks. I have since had the pleasure of communing with other indigenous peoples (Tzotzil, Tzeltal, Black Hmong, Red Dzao, Long Neck Karen). Each time unique, jarring, and mind opening. So, I am fascinated by Jimmy Nelson's photos from his book Before They Pass Away. The photos are a love song to the cultures of our ancestors, that unfortunately are dying away. Thankfully, we have this beautiful record to hold onto, even though it is indeed bittersweet.

(c) Jimmy Nelson

The photographs are highly stylized, verging on high fashion. This makes them visually stunning, striking. Nelson has received some criticism for the representations in the photos, with people saying that they do not represent reality. While I can see that argument (I am sure that people do not walk around in full face paint and adornment everyday, indigenous or no), I see these photos as a vision of the indigenous groups through the lens of the divine, which makes for stunning art.

To get the book, click here.
For more information on Nelson's travels and the people featured in his photos, click here.

Monday Mantra

I grew up in the A.M.E. Zion church. While I have long since stopped identifying myself as a Christian, those old Negro spirituals remain a source of comfort. There is something about their simplicity that gives them a depth, a wholeness, that let's them pierce through the layers of pain or doubt and bring me back to a sense of possibility. There is one chorus in particular that has been on my mind of late. It simply goes:

I am going to trust in the Lord
I am going to trust in the Lord
I am going to trust in the Lord
til I die
I am going to trust in the Lord
I am going to trust in the Lord
I am going to trust in the Lord
til I die

Today's Monday mantra comes from this chorus. It is:

I allow and trust

I allow and trust that things will get better. I allow and I trust that my needs will be met. I allow and I trust that my blessing is coming. I allow and I trust that the seeds that I have planted will bear fruit.

There comes a point in time where we have to stop "doing" and begin "allowing". Where we have to pay attention to what is happening around us, join the flow, and trust that God/Jehovah/Allah/the Universe/our own two feet will lead us in the right direction. 

I will end this with a rendition of We've Come This Far by Faith/I Will Trust in the Lord. Let the energy of this sweep you up and motivate you to keep on your path. 

Namaste and Happy Monday!

Friday Inspiration

All this week, BuzzFeed has been running stories about mental health, in something they are calling Mental Health Week. As someone who struggles with anxiety and depression, I found this initiative to be inspiring and informative.

As with most things connected to BuzzFeed, you have to take the good with the bad. I found the profiles of people discussing anxiety, depression, medication, and suicide to be spot on in their candor. There are other profiles, as well, discussing PTSD, how couples deal with mental illness, and ADHD.  Overall, BuzzFeed is putting a face to many disorders that, unfortunately, are often mocked more than they are understood. They also did a spot on self care, which I would like to showcase as this Friday's Inspiration.

As we approach the holiday season, it is easy to fall into patterns of stress that can possibly lead to mental breakdowns. Whether you have a mental illness or not, the practice of self-care is a tool that we should all have at our disposal. My personal self care practices involve visual art, yoga, meditation, and writing. These are things that I can always go to when I have a flair up. While none of these things are cures for anxiety or depression, they are coping mechanisms that help me find my way back to functional and sometimes even to happiness.

What self-care practices do you have?

Wednesdsay Art Moment

It's Wednesday! Time to look at pretty things to inspire the soul. This Wednesday art moment is all about the talented jewelry artist Marcie Abney Carroll. I first found her work when I was starting out in seed beads and looking for inspiration. I absolutely loved the intricacy and depth in her beaded pieces.

(c) Marcia Abney Carroll Spanish Lace

(c) Marcia Abney Carroll

 
It's been a joy to watch her work evolve over the years. She now mostly works with metals and stones, producing some beautiful pieces.

(c) Marcie Abney Carroll La Paz Series

(c) Marcie Abney Carroll

 What I love most about her work is that there is a story behind every piece. She is as much a poet and as she is a jewelry artist.

Here are her words on making jewelry that may not sell (click here for the full post):
 

I feel like a paperback at the library.

Stuck in those little spinning merry-go-round shelves while the real books get jackets and bookends and, well...dusted.

I feel dusty and my head hurts from spinning. 

Keep writing, I say to myself...

You may be a paperback, but they're lightweight and easy to carry,
and isn't that what you want to be anyway?

Oh, and also, the hardcovers don't get to be you, until they've sold a million copies...

Check out more Marcie Abney Carroll at her blog La Bella Joya or on her pinterest 
And you can buy her work here.

Monday Mantra

This past week has been a rough one. It has me questioning a lot of things. Mostly I wonder what makes us humans feel that killing other humans is the answer. Or worse, that killing other humans is simply something to do. It is easy to fall into fear when thinking about all of the violence happening around the world right now. And for a moment, I did. I was hurt, I was afraid, I was saddened, and I was bit angry as well. But I came back to meditation, I came back to my breath, and I came back to the reality that there is still kindness in the world. So, for this Monday's mantra, I would like to share the two affirmations that got me through the week:

Everything is gonna be alright

There is still kindness

 These two mantras allowed me to see past the gruesomeness of the headlines and recognize that the world hasn't actually gone mad. So, in the spirit of that idea, I end this with one of my favorite "everything is gonna be alright" jams: Three Little Birds by Bob Marley.

Namaste and have a great week!

We Have to Do Better

Normally I don't go for two posts in one day, but I feel like this is something I need to speak on.

There are few things I am more passionate about than creating safe spaces for women and girls to get what they need. Whether it is food, shelter, an education, etc, I believe that women and girls have a right to feel safe when they are seeking these things. As an educator, I do my best to be an example to my students of what a strong woman looks like. I do my best to be approachable, but I also require respect. So, I was highly taken aback when I received this email in my inbox today:

It basically says that this professor harasses female students, especially freshmen. That he takes them on as girlfriends and then at the end of the semester negotiates their grade. The email warns those reading to be careful and to tell the rector about this matter. And then asks the question, "or are you also his accomplice?"

I do not know what led the young lady who sent this email to do so, nor can I confirm her accusations. This professor works at a completely different campus than mine. However, her email just brought to light some of the bad behaviors that I have heard about on the campuses where I have worked. And it has to stop. The position of teacher/educator/professor is one of great responsibility. We have a responsibility to make our students feel safe, and part of that is making sure that we do not abuse our authority. Too often a blind eye is turned to male teachers who date their students or use their classroom as a place to get female attention. These young ladies are in our classrooms to learn. They are not here to provide us with anything. It is so frustrating to know that this behavior continues on college campuses, and that, despite students demanding to be heard, is still not taken seriously.

We owe our students better. We need to do better.

I am still not sure what else I will do with this email. My hope is that the student forwarded it to the rector and that her complaint will be taken seriously. Without having more details, it is not a fight I feel equipped to step in on any further. What I will do is continue to empower the women and girls around me to own their voices and speak up for themselves by being an example and creating safe spaces. I will also do my best to show my male students how to treat women and girls any chance I can get, as they are part of this conversation as well.

There is no easy solution to the mistreatment of women in these public spaces. There is no easy solution to the mistreatment of any marginalized people. But if we have nothing else, we have our voices. And when we bring them together, we can create change.

Friday Inspiration

I love podcasts. They are great for stories and pop culture. I spend most of my time with people who only speak Spanish and who know little about my culture (proud southern African-American, here) so podcasts are also a way for me to connect to familiar voices and sentiments; they are a slice of home. So, I get a lot of inspiration from podcasts. And today's inspiration comes from one of my favorites, Denzel Washington is the Greatest Actor of All Time Period. This lovely little gem is hosted by W. Kamau Bell and Kevin Avery, two great comedians and Denzel Washington fans. While this podcast bases itself in exploration of Denzel Washington's movies and acting chops, it finds a way to explore race, art, and politics through this lens. I love this podcast because it brings in voices from Hollywood that are shaping movies and media. I also love this podcast because Bell's show Totally Biased was a favorite, and when it went away I felt like something was truly missing in my media consumption.

Recently the guys had the honor of hosting the legendary Spike Lee on the podcast. While Lee has been a controversial figure, no one can deny his prowess in the world of film. I remember very well the first Spike Lee joint I saw, Do the Right Thing. The colors were amazing and I won't soon forget the terrible fall of Radio Raheem. It was a slice of black life laid out on the screen for all to see.

Lee was on the podcast to promote his new film Chi-Raq, but to also talk all things Denzel, as he has worked with the actor on several projects. As to be expected, the conversation led to Malcolm X, which was a defining role in Washington's career. I won't go into details about the conversation, but you can check it out here.

At some point Lee began to talk about Washington's preparation for the role. And he said the following, which is the point of today's inspiration:

If your vessel ain't right...

 Now anyone who has been to a black church or a southern church (I can't speak for others, because I don't have experience.) know that this statement doesn't need to be finished, because we all know what this means. It means that if you have not done the work, how can you expect the reward. So often we want to lean on talent or the fact that "we know someone" to get to where we want to be, but if we have not prepared ourselves to receive opportunity, it means nothing. Imagine someone you know offers you your dream job, but you don't have all the skills needed to accept. Or someone offers you a gig to perform, but your talent only gets you through the first 10 minutes of the set. At some point preparation has to kick in. At some point the work has to be done. For myself, I am working on discipline, on preparing my vessel. I have started working in the mornings with the book The Practice of Poetry to do just that, practice. And with each new day and with each new exercise, I meet new challenges that I don't want to face. But I do the work, and I do it everyday, and each day my instrument becomes more prepared, stronger. I want my vessel to be right to write my novel, my book of poems, that award-winning essay, or to simply be able to sit down at this blog and say something worth saying. 

What do you do to make sure your vessel is right?

Wednesdays Are for Art

It’s the middle of the week. Many of us are trying to get over the hump. What better way to do that than to revel in the creative. So, on Wednesday’s I will be trying something new here on the old blog, I’ll be posting pics of art that inspired me or art that I am working on myself. I use that term art in the broadest sense, so this could be writing, music, dance, visual art, or anything else creative that speaks to the soul or inspires.

For today’s Wednesday art moment, we’ll be looking at a piece that I love by Frida Kahlo. This little piece of magnificence is hanging in her kitchen in her home in Coyoacan, Mexico City.

 The Blue house is visited by thousands (maybe millions) of people every year. We go for various reasons, but I went to touch something, to connect with something that had pulled me in. Kahlo’s work speaks on many different levels of what it means to be a woman, to be Mexican, to know love, to suffer, and to overcome. The caption of this painting can be translated as:

Feet, why do I want them if I have wings to fly

If you know Kahlo's story, you know that she was in a horrific accident as a young woman that caused her years of pain and limited her mobility. Kahlo did not “have feet”. She spent much of her life in bed and much of that time in pain. But dammit, she had wings. And for so many of us she has soared beyond her infirmity and beyond the chains of time and death to continue to speak to us and gift us with inspiration.

So often it is easy to fall prey to what we don’t have. I fall into that trap every week. I don’t have time. I don’t have money. I don’t have good paints. But we miss out on so many blessings with the focus is on what we don’t have, instead of what we do. I have my health. I have capable hands. I have a sound mind. My muse has not yet abandoned me. I may not have the best paints, but I have paints. 

Life is not good or bad, it is life. I am learning to see past what isn’t and into what is.

Monday Mantra

Coming back into myself, my voice, my spirituality, my seat. When I come back, many things come back. Poetry, dance, yoga, and meditation to name a few. I've always loved mantra for meditation practice. The thing I love the most about mantra is that it can transform any place or any moment into a place or moment of meditation. I like to listen to mantra in my office, especially during stressful times. It never fails to transport me, to move me.
One of my favorite mantra singers is Snatam Kaur.  And one of my absolute favorite mantra chants by her is RaMaDaSa. The simplicity of these seed sounds never fails to touch my heart and bring me to a place of remembrance and gratitude.

I wrote about  this chant previously on this blog. Click here for that post; it includes information about the origin of the chant, it's meaning,  and a link to a video recording.

Namaste and here's to a great week!

Friday Inspiration

It's been a while since I've done one of these, but it feels like a good time to start again. Mainly because I'm in the midst of reading a book that is not just inspiring, but world rocking. The book is called The War of Art, by Steven Pressfield. I found out about it from one of my favorite podcasts, The Read.

This book is not for the faint of heart. Divided into three parts, it pulls no punches and allows for no excuses. The first part is all about resistance, and goes into explicit detail of all of the excuses we make for not doing our work, whether it be creative, spiritual, or otherwise. Having all of my excuses laid out in front of me was at once a slap in the face and a wake up call. How many times I had waited for tomorrow or until I had more time or until I was inspired, or until fill in the blank?

We all do it, and part one of this book was a good reminder that the battle is not outside the door, but within, against our own resistance. While there were many quotes from part one of the book and the book as a whole that resonated with me, today's inspiration comes from the chapter "Resistance and Fundamentalism":

The artists and the fundamentalist arise from societies at differing stages of development. The artist is the advanced model. His culture possesses affluence, stability, enough excess of resource to permit the luxury of self-examination. The artist is grounded in freedom. He is not afraid of it.

This quote is pretty loaded, but what resonates most with me is this idea of freedom. That the artist is grounded in freedom. That in order to have a creative voice, we must first be able to embrace freedom. And many of us, depending on the day, are not ready for freedom. We are not ready for limitlessness. I know that on any given day you may find me tying myself up in work or relationship drama or the internet. Anything to distract myself from that feeling of freedom because freedom is scary, and with it comes a great deal of responsibility. But this book confronted me with the absolute need to embrace freedom in order to fully step into the shoes of the artist/creative/expressive. And so I ask the question:

Are you ready for freedom?

Playing the Long Game

I am terrible at consistency. I have so many ideas and start so many things only for them to whimper to an end or disappear once I’ve flitted off to the next thing. Knowing how flaky I can be, I try to set clear goals for myself to stay on track. But it never fails that I miss the mark with many of them. So, when an article came across my Facebook feed with the words "Forget Setting Goals"in the title, I knew I had to read it. Here are some of the goals I have set for myself over the years:

Eat less sugar

Prep for a 5k

Finish my book

Open an Etsy Store

Lose 10 pounds

Lose 15 pounds

Lose 25 pounds

None of these things are things that I've accomplished. Instead, I have run through several different phases of success/failure/guilt/depression/back on the wagon/success/failure/guilt/depression...you get the picture. I was giving myself certain time frames to do things that I felt should be doable instead of focusing on best practices.

The article calls these best practices "systems". I've also heard them called "lifestyle changes". Whatever label we want to give them, introducing practices to our lives, in addition to goals, is the way to success. 

For the past 76 days, I have written 750+ words a day using the website 750words.com. Everyday didn’t present a gem, but the practice has started to build that writing muscle for me again. Of those 76 entries, maybe five have become articles that I’ve published here on this blog or in other places.  While I haven’t achieved my goal of finishing my book, I have found a system that has me writing. It will be a whole lot easier to finish the book now that writing is a daily practice. And because I am not focused on the big goal, there is no failure to contend with. As long as I put pen to paper, so to speak, the system will do the rest. 

 Another goal I have struggled with is weight loss. While most people would look at me and say that I don't "need" to lose weight, I know different. Over the past three years or so I have managed to gain 20 pounds. Those different phases that I mentioned earlier directly affected my waistline. I'm an emotional eater, and every time I failed, I reached for cake or cookies or chips or pizza to make it hurt less. I set goals for losing the weight, but when it didn't come off, I was back in failure phase, which just led to depression and more eating. Fast forward to February 2015, when I see myself at my heaviest. I made a decision to be more aware of my eating and exercise at least three days a week. That was it, a simple system. I purposely only had my weight checked once a month. I didn't want the numbers to be the end game. Since I made that decision to implement a weight loss system, I've lost 9.6 pounds. I did it by using the Loseit! app and by making sure I exercised at least three days a week. Some weeks I exercised more, but the system was set up so that if I didn't or couldn't, failure didn't come into the picture and throw things off.

I think that it is great to have goals, but if they are not attached to our daily practices, they will only affect short term change. In order to play the long game, we have to put systems in place that will support our goals. Whether that is making sure that a certain amount of time is set-up for a certain activity or bringing in people that will support a goal, systems help take goals out of the realm of the "lofty" and the "dream" and into reality. I've seen them work for me, and I know that they can work for you too.