Overcoming Obstacles and Living Dreams

Overcoming Obstacles and Living Dreams

This past three months has been a whirlwind for me. I've managed to leave the place I called home for five years, quitting my job in the process. I also visited Frida Kahlo’s house and achieved my Kripalu Yoga Teacher 200 hour certification. Which brings me to the present moment, sitting in an apartment in Isla Mujeres, Mexico, looking out at paints, beads, canvases, fabrics, oil pastels, Sharpies, drawing pencils, and lots of silk thread.  How did I get here?

New Creative Space

Well, like most people traveling long distances, I arrived on a plane. This particular plane trip, however, brought some insight that I had not previously had the presence or quietness of mind to receive. The insight came when I opened my backpack to dig out my “plane read” for the trip. I've been reading a book by Bill Bryson called Mother Tongue, and was really looking forward to finishing it. I was sure that was the book I had put in my bag. The book that was waiting for me, however, was The Alchemist. I have read this book more times than I can remember, and I always have a copy with me. In fact, I read it at the beginning of June after leaving behind my life in the Marshall Islands. At many points in my life I have taken in the ups and downs of Santiago’s (the main character), journey as a gentle reminder that the treasure I seek is always within reach. So, when I saw that it was the book I had for this trip, my initial reaction was, this again? But I jumped in, since it was what I had, starting with Coehlo’s Ten Years On introduction, which I usually skip. Imagine my surprise to find that, despite having written the introduction in 2002, Coehlo was speaking directly to me. That’s right, he must have had a premonition that in 2013, at a pivotal moment, I would need to read just the words he was writing, detailing the four obstacles to achieving a dream.

The first obstacle Coehlo points out is that we begin to bury our dreams as children. Eventually our dreams become so deeply buried that we have trouble hearing them call us at all. I have spent the better part of 10 years working and only giving attention to my dreams of being an artist/yoga teacher/world traveler in my “free time”. I prided myself on being an artist with a job; I could pay my bills. Art happened in spurts, yoga teaching happened after l finished work, and traveling happened during breaks. When work wore me out, these things didn't happen. In this way, I managed to live what I felt like was a pretty full life, but there was something missing.

This brings me to Coehlo’s second obstacle, love. He says, “We know what we want to do, but are afraid of hurting those around us by abandoning everything in order to pursue our dream.” I have loved the arts since I was a child, but I didn't know how to be an artist and make money. All I knew about artists was that they struggled. I didn't want to struggle, and I knew I needed money to survive. But when you love something it is a part of you, and the impulse to be with that something is always knocking, pushing, screaming, and saying come back come back come back. When I said goodbye to my parents this last time, I felt my heart tear, but I knew I had to go to be with the thing I love. I need time and space that being with my parents couldn't afford me. I felt the same way when I left behind the people I love in the Marshall Islands, but I had to go for the same reasons. The thing I love was calling me back.

Love, mixed media on muslin

Now running into the arms of the thing I love, I know that Coehlo’s third obstacle is waiting in the wings. That obstacle is fear of the defeats on the path. In my world, I am a jet-setting artist yogini healer Amazon ready to fully express every aspect of my being. In the real world, I am an unemployed 30-something black woman with a lot of debt tipping the scales in my favor by running to Mexico to optimize what little savings I have. I am already a failure. Add to that the fact that I don’t know if the world even wants my art or how I will get to the world, the defeat just keeps piling up. And I am terrified. Terrified that I've made a mistake. Terrified that I won’t be able to provide for my needs. And terrified that I will just end up being another disappointment to the people who care about me. But, as Coehlo says, “The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.” Anything worth having is worth fighting for. I would add that the old adage, Believe in yourself, is another secret to life. I believe that I am a jet-setting artist yogini healer Amazon. And furthermore, I know that the people I love believe it, too. I can’t thank those people enough for being my angels. I have carried them around in my heart as my sword and shield in this time of change, and will continue to do so with every step. How could I not overcome obstacles with the strength of my angels radiating from my heart?

esperanza en el corazon, acrylic on canvas

Coehlo’s fourth obstacle is by far the hardest one to face. It is the fear of realizing the dream.

What happens if I win?

Coehlo quotes Oscar Wilde saying, “Each man kills the thing he loves.” I know that I have been guilty of this over and over again. I have asked for, prayed for, shook my fists at the sky for, and the moment it arrived I have hid and pushed it away because it was easier/more familiar to stay where I was. I am an expert at building walls while craving light and love. It is not easy to embrace our truth because it means we have to embrace the divine light that wants to radiate from us. I rarely have a problem seeing this light in others, but shining my own is frightening. Will people resent me? Will I be too exposed? But here I am, sitting in this apartment in Isla Mujeres, Mexico, looking out at paints, beads, canvases, fabrics, oil pastels, Sharpies, drawing pencils, and lots of silk thread. I am here because I can no longer ignore myself. I can no longer push down the me that wants to rise up.

Pieces of Angels

I often contemplate the question, “What would I do if money was not an issue?” My answer has always been in the ballpark of make art, do yoga, and travel. The fine folks at immigration here in Mexico have granted me up to 180 days to do just that. I have enough money to pay my rent for that time and keep food on the table. I have no idea what is waiting for me on the other side of this journey, but I am heartened by Coehlo’s closing words, “…if you believe yourself worthy of the thing you fought so hard to get, then you become an instrument of God, you help the Soul of the World, and you understand why you are here.”

I’m ready.