Diva of Dessert?

I am a self-professed sugar freak. I love cakes, cookies, brownies, pies, etc... If it has sugar in it, I've probably tried it and loved it. That said, I also love to bake. Those baking skills have been put to the test in the last few weeks. I meet with an amazing group of folks every Thursday for a potluck dinner. They have dubbed me the Diva of Dessert, and it is my job to make sure every meal ends with the perfect dessert. For the most part, I've been successful. Some highlights were homemade coconut ice cream and tres leches cake. I've had my low points, though. I won't go into detail about the rice pudding incident, but it was not good. This week, I outdid myself, making tiramisu for our Italian night theme. I don't know what possessed me to try to make such a decadent dessert in a place that has such limited supplies, but somehow I pulled it off. My homemade mascarpone cheese and homemade lady fingers came out ok. The true test, however, will be tonight when my dessert hits the dinner table. While it has been slightly stressful to make these fancy desserts, some with ingredients I can't even pronounce, I've learned a lot about what you can do when you have the initiative. I'm thinking of taking a break from being dessert diva for a week, just to regroup. That said, I am truly looking forward to what will come next with this new skill.

There are many things about my little yellow house that drive me crazy. The roof leaks, and the stove is not wired right. That said, one of the few things that I love about it, is that it came with a cat. This beautiful blue eyed wonder always brings a smile to my face when I come home. He sometimes sleeps on the roof, more often in front of the house on the porch, and occasionally under the plumeria tree. He comes in the house for tuna sometimes. When he's not in the mood, I just leave it outside for him. He's as feral as they come, so he's not very fond of being petted. Although, when he's sleepy enough he'll let me rub his head.

Sometimes you just have to throw up your hands

I have been a teacher for almost 7 years now. I've worked in public schools, private schools, a language center, a four year university, and a 2 year community college. I have encountered students who were incredibly motivated and students who were so lazy that I cancelled classes. I feel like I am at a crossroads with this whole teaching gig, and that this semester will be a make or break. Anyone who believes that old adage Those who can do, and those who can't teach. have NO idea what it is like to face the classroom everyday. Sometimes I want to just throw up my hands and make my living as a working artist. It would surely put me in a hand-to-mouth situation, but at least I would have my sanity. It is not easy bringing home the stress of a long teaching day. The joyful days are becoming fewer and fewer for me, and I'm not really sure what else I can do. I've played games, done group work, done individual instruction, and flat out asked the students what they wanted. With midterm right around the corner I am in a constant state of disbelief at my students' behavior. I still have students coming in to class 10-15 minutes late. I still have students feeling they should be able to make-up major assignments if they forget to do them on time. And I still have students that feel like as long as they give me an answer, it doesn't matter if the answer is correct. And please, don't get me started on cellphones and i-pods. Earbuds have now become my enemy. I want to believe that things will start to look up again. The fact is that most of my students are invested. It is for those students that I have early mornings and late nights. It is for those students that I continue to do this. How long I will continue to do it is yet to be seen.

Fashion Show

When I moved back to the Marshall Islands, there was little here that I found to be "amazing". I had grown used to the palm trees, beautiful ocean views, and intricate handicrafts. I needed a shake up to wake me up. So, what better thing than the first annual Marshallese Fashion show? It was a little ragtag to start, but the fashion designs ranged between interesting and extraordinary. There were three categories: Traditional, Creative, and Original. The traditional category was by far the strongest. I'm not really sure what the difference was between creative and original, but I would say the original category presented the most creative designs. How's that for a mindbender! Anyway, here are the highlights.

Sundays to Relax

I am what you would call a do-er. I don't quite feel like I'm present in the world unless I'm doing something. This makes my weekends pretty busy, and often with work related activities. My friends are always asking me to come and picnic with them on Sundays, and I usually beg off saying I have things to do. These past 2 Sundays, however, I surprised them all by showing up at the dock ready to head over to Enemanit, the picnic island. At first it was kinda hard for me to allow myself to just sit and relax and bwebwenato (chat) with the girls. I wasn't doing anything and I started to get grumpy about it. After a about an hour, though, the whole relaxing thing started to feel pretty good. I flopped around a bit in the lagoon, strolled around the island, picked up a few shells, and even took a rest in a hammock. When I got home, I was relaxed, but not exhausted. It actually felt good to have taken a day just to unwind. I am hoping that I can make a habit of this. Everyone should have a day where they can just stretch out and let their minds drift a bit. Sure, I had a few extra things waiting on my desk on Monday. But, I was in much better spirits when I went in to work. Do you have a day when you do "nothing"? Share your relax experiences here.

Publishing Publishing Publishing

Hi All out there in Blog land,

I forgot to report my most fabulous news of all that happened last week. I was published on The Coil Review! Click here to read the article. I hope to become a regular contributor, which would mean a new article every month.

Also, I have a poem in rotation on the Poetry Ark! If you click here you can have a read, and vote on the poem. You have to register a username and password to vote, but after that you can access all the poems on the database at any time. I'm hoping I will make it to the final round. Any help from you all would be greatly appreciated.

Yokwe Yokwe

Well, I have officially been in the Marshall Islands for over a month. I can honestly say that I have adjusted. Life here is starting to feel more tranquil and more normal. I am able to enjoy the people around me, without having to tiptoe around grief and sadness. There are so many wonderful little joys to each day:

Sitting and talking with my landlady over tea and cookies
Playing with my friend L's kitten
Making new earrings and bracelets and necklaces with my new beading buddy A
Feeding my dear sweet yard cat Ocean
Watching new baby chicks scramble around the yard after mama hen
Taking in miles and miles of stars after a power outage

I feel like my breathing is coming much easier now.
What small joys have you experienced today?

When it rains, it pours.

Two deaths, two bounced checks, and a whole lot of termites later, I'm still standing. These past few weeks have been some of the most trying weeks of my life, and I can hardly see the light at the end of the tunnel. There is much to be said for the power of breath. Deep breaths and long sighs have become my constant companions. I have yet to shed a tear, but there will be a deluge at some point. That's not to say that good things have not been a part of the mix. I have been beading like crazy, and have several possible writing projects in the works. I'm trying to count it all joy at this point, because what else can I do.

A friend of mine subscribes to Tricycle, which is a great little Buddhist mag. She recently sent me an article on the nature of desire. One of the big points in this article was the need to detach. Appreciation and gratitude are fine, but attachment will do you in. I can honestly say that part of why I'm still standing is that I'm working hard not to create attachments to things of this world. I am hoping that in the coming days, things will become lighter and feel better on this end. But, the bottom line is that I'm still breathing. And, despite the hardships, I'm still well taken care of. It is easy to get caught up in the need (attachment) for things. But, whether we let those things go or not, they will be taken from us at some point. These past few weeks have taught me that in more ways than one.

Sorry I've Been MIA

Ahoi out there,

Sorry I've been away, but things have been crazy. I've recently moved to a new country, started a new job, and lost a good friend. I hope to be back on the blog soon soon, though. Until then, here's a quote for Friday's Inspiration. I read this in a Yoga for weight loss manual, but it applies to so much more.

Often our greatest growth takes place when we feel we are getting nowhere.

I have certainly been living this the past few weeks, as I've scrambled to find a place to live, attempted to engage students as the "newbie" on campus, and tried to rationalize the senseless killing of a friend of mine. (More on all those things later) If you have an experience of how going "nowhere" helped you get to where you needed to be, please feel free to share it here. And may you all have a blessed and wonderful weekend.

Friday's Inspiration

Ahoi hoi out there in cyber land. For all of you reading this blog today, I just want to let you know that things are a little crazy right now. I just moved from Cancun, Mexico to Majuro, Marshall Islands. That is pretty much half-way around the world. In a matter of days my whole life has flipped upside down, and I'm still not really sure if I'm awake or dreaming. But, luckily, inspiration does not hide itself from the weary. I found this Friday's inspiration on the wall of the Bank of Guam office here in Majuro. I'm trying to remember the exact quote, but it goes a little something like this:

Don't just live your life, create it.

I won't lie, this recent journey has not been easy for me. I had to say goodbye to a people and a way of life that had become a part of me. I'm still not sure what I'm doing here in Majuro. What I am sure of, is that since the day I decided to wake up and really see the possibilities in front of me, I have actively tried to create a beautiful life. This moment is no different. It may take some rearranging of expectations, but joy is always waiting there to be embraced.

How have you created beauty in your life today?

Friday's Inspiration

Is it Friday already? It feels like this week has flown by. That could be because I have been packing to leave my beautiful island home in Isla Mujeres. On Sunday, I will board a plane that will take me far away from the place I have called home for the past year. With these thoughts rolling around in my head, my inspiration has come from a very simple adage that is so true:

Home is where the heart is.

I can honestly say that my heart has a home in many places, and Isla Mujeres is now one of them. It is never easy to say goodbye to people you love, so I don't anymore. As they say here, No es un adios, es un hasta pronto. I hope that someday in the near future I will be able to return to this beautiful place, and to the people I have come to know as family. Until then I would like to say to all of my family here on Isla Mujeres, Gracias, Hasta Pronto, y que Le Vayan Bien. It has been a great pleasure.

Crashing

I didn't see it coming. I suppose that is the thing that makes the blow even harder. I have relied on computers, phones, and any number of gadgets for more years than I can count. I have an expectation that these things will work, because they always do. So, when I woke up Monday morning to discover that my computer would not wake up, I tried to remain calm. I did what I knew how to do. When that failed, I wiped everything clean. In a matter of minutes, years worth of pictures, poems, teaching materials, music, and internet hang-outs were erased from existence. My little cyber world got a shake up. I have recovered, I have moved on, I have come to some realization.

I wish I could say that it was some deep philosophical realization about detachment, but mostly it was the realization that it really is good to back things up. I was lucky, I had most of my documents backed up on thumb drives, and most of my important pictures posted on Facebook. Had that not been true, I can honestly say I would be quite down right now. So, now begins my search for storage in what I've heard referred to as "the cloud". I want to make sure that the next time a virus hits my computer (crossing fingers that it won't), that I am prepared. Whether we like it or not, these little electronic devices are our memories and our connection to things that we hold dear. As an avid traveler, I don't have room to carry printed photos, cd's, and gobs of paper. My computer handles all that for me. Well, now I'm gonna get my computer some assistance with that. If you have had something like this happen to you, please feel free to share your story here. Also, if you know anything about cloud computing, ie reputable sites/techniques, please share.

Friday's Inspiration

As I finish out the work week, I find myself reflecting on all the experiences that have come my way this week. One quote that stood out as inspiration for me came from one of my she-roes, Alice Walker. I was reading a 2006 Ms. magazine which featured an excerpt from her book We Are the Ones We Have Been Waiting For: Inner Light in a Time of Darkness. The line that stuck with me came from her story about giving a series of lectures in Korea. She was not prepared to do these lectures, but found a way to speak from her heart. Here, in her reaction to the audience of her last talk, I found my inspiration:

I looked out into a sea of alert, curious, interested, and I think on some level surprised faces. Who was this little brown woman, her graying hair tinted the color of autumn straw, with nothing in her hands?

This quote hits me on so many different levels. As an African American teacher living abroad, I live this scene almost everday. But, what struck me the most was the idea of nothing in her hands. Here is my response:

With nothing in her hands
she was able to gather the air
to wrap it around her fingers
to thread it through her hair

With nothing in her hands
she was able to receive
the errant tear
the resounding laugh
the pearl of wisdom
the breath of God

With nothing in her hands
she made two fists
and cried for honor
She placed her palms together
and cried for peace
She spread her fingers wide to the sky
and cried for joy

With nothing in her hands
She became
and that is all
and that is enough


What has inspired you this week?

Woohoo! Happy Dance!

A long awaiting new book of my poems is now available on Lulu.com. I'm thrilled. Please check out the link. If you can, please buy or download the book. You won't be dissappointed. And please share any feedback that you have!

Is Relaxing A Young Girl's Hair Child Abuse?

I don't remember my first relaxer, though I do remember being happy to move on from the hot comb. The sizzling and burning involved in that process is definitely not missed. What I remember about relaxers is how white the cream was in the jar, and how cold it felt when it first went on. I also remember the painful burn, and the encouragement of the stylist to just "sit tight" a few more minutes. I remember how straight my hair was when the relaxer was washed out. I remember shaking my head so my hair would move in the wind. I remember my mother buying home kits and doing my relaxer in the den of my parents house. I remember how this was always a time when we could talk mother to daughter, me sitting on the floor between her legs. I don't ever remember feeling abused, or that anything she was doing was harmful to me. It was simply what you were supposed to do with kinky hair.

Now that I have a lot more knowledge on relaxers and natural hair, I know better. When you know better, you do better. So, I don't relax my hair. I'm careful about dyes and styling products. I eat well and take my vitamins. I don't rake a comb or a brush through my hair. I'm careful about who I let get close to my hair. That said, I find it to be a bit of a reach to say that relaxing a child's hair, however young, is child abuse. (See link to article at the bottom of this post) Those of us in the natural hair community have a lot of knowledge about the harsh chemicals that are sold as hair care. That said, there is very little readily available information in stores about the dangers of a relaxer. When you read the box, the most pronounced warning is about damage to your eyes. There is little to nothing on the packaging about damage to your scalp. Some even boast about having natural ingredients. We lobbied profusely to get more informative labels on cigarettes. Why not kick up the same kind of fuss to get relaxers more clearly marked?

We as a society have a tendency to want to point the finger first, and find solutions later. I find it much less productive to start chasing after parents who relax two-year-olds' hair, than going after the people who sell and distribute those products without educating people about them. I have no problem with relaxers. My problem is with their misuse and the fact that they are misadvertised. There is no such thing as a kiddie perm or a mild perm. You're putting the same corrosive chemical on your scalp. People should be informed of that.

I encourage all you readers to check out the post on curly nikki that sparked this post. Here is the link: Is a relaxer child abuse?
I also encourage you to chime in with your thoughts. This is an ongoing issue in our community, and will be until we come together to stand up for the truth.

How to find a way out of the dark

what is that moment like
the moment before the fall
is there sound
is there realization
and if there is
how do you continue to stand
how do you continue to breathe
knowing that the breaths you have left
can be counted on your two hands


This world that we live in is a beautiful place, with the seediest of underbellies. In all our wisdom, and with all our technology and such not, we create heaven, but we also create hell. I do not know what it is like to live everyday in fear of your life, but millions of women in this world live fear everyday. I recently had coffee with a woman who, without even knowing, pulled away veils that I had let fall over my eyes. The veil that women are treated as equal citizens, the veil that women have control over their bodies, the veil that women have a right to their children... The list goes on. As I sit here, with a copy of Ms. Magazine to my right, and a facebook post in front of my about the brutal killing of a mother of two, I cannot begin to express how I feel. This blog, I realize, is a feeble attempt to deal with those emotions, and I apologize in advance if it doesn't make sense. But to see this on my computer screen, has just thrown me for a loop:

Natasha T. Kerns: To all my FB friends. Wanted to let you all knw if they find my body dead somewhere my HUSBAND WILLIE MARVIN WILLIAMS is responsible!! He want leave me alone!


And that was the last communication. The last words shared before she was shot and killed. And I'm left with the question, who created this reality? I just don't understand. And where do we, as women, as people, as a world community, go from here?

My thoughts and prayers go out to this family and my good friend Jerry. A candle burns on my altar for her and for so many others who find themselves in dark places today.

If You've Ever Wondered about Diving

Please check out the Travel Moments tab for a new post on my experience Under Da' Sea.

"Get it Crackin" Challenge Results so far

Please check out the Beads Beads Beads page for results of my challenge so far. I'm really excited about the pieces that are coming forth. I would love to hear your comments. And please remember that you can purchase most items by simply sending me an email @ la_morena@hotmail.com. Make sure you put "The Infamous sunRay" in the subject heading.

Great Article on Seed Beading

I am a bit of a seed bead fanatic, so I was thrilled to find this article waiting in my inbox. It's very sweet how this avid beader begins her seed bead journey. Kudos.

Inching Along: Behind the Scenes Lessons from a Seed Bead Soiree

My "Get it Crackin' Challenge"

Ok people, we all have things in our life that we really need to/want to do. I don't know about you, but lately, those need to/want to's have taken a back burner. I wish I could tell you to what, but I can't even put my finger on it. Call it malaise. In any case, last weekend I decided to issue myself a challenge. One of the things I need to/want to do is get my bead art out there. Part of that is creating a volume of pieces. My challenge for myself is to create and finish a new piece every two days. I was thinking everyday, but bead work is time consuming, and I'm not trying to end up with a bunch of janky looking stuff. So here are the parameters of my challenge:

Name: Bead it up!
Duration: July 11-July 31
Goal: To have a variety of beaded pieces finished and photographed
Motivation: Desire to market and sell my beadwork
Progress: One pair of earrings, a rose, and a beaded bracelet.

I will hopefully be posting pics of these lovelies soon. I also invite you all to join my in your own "Get it Crackin'" Challenge. Please list the name of your challenge, duration, goal, motivation, and progress (if any at the moment) in the comment area. I'll be updating you on my progress throughout the challenge.

*Peace*

I Sunburned My Scalp!

I am an island girl. No, I wasn't born on one, but I've been living on tropical islands for the past 3 years, and do not see that changing anytime soon. Currently I live in a beautiful place called Isla Mujeres, Mexico. Think palm trees, sea breeze, and beautiful beaches. My love affair with sun and surf is beginning to change, however. I always felt I had a special relationship with the sun, and didn't do much to protect myself from it. As I've aged, however (hit the big 3-0) this year, that has had to change. So, I use a fairly strong sun screen, don't go out midday if I don't have to, and carry an umbrella in my bag for those extra sunny days when I need some personal shade. That said, I have no idea what came over me this Monday when I went out for my morning walk, but here's the deal. I got up, worked out, did my usual wash and go, and hit pavement around 9 am. I'll admit, my wash and go was lookin' extra fly that day, so I had my hair out. About midway through the walk, I start to feel like my scalp was burning. Somehow, however, I managed to convince myself that nothing was wrong, and didn't even bother to bust out my "sun"brella. Well, long story short, I got a major sunburn on my scalp.

I'm trying to get this hair to grow, so a sunburn is a major setback. Being the proactive person that I am, I jumped into gear to solve the problem. My first step was to find a protective style for my twa. My options were fairly limited: braids, kinky twists, a hat, a scarf. Well, I figured I would just braid up my hair and let it be for a minute. I've been doing my own braids for years. Little did I anticipate how hard it would be to find hair in my part of Mexico. I feel for the Mexican women who are dealing with thinning hair or want extensions. The only places I found even the possibility of getting hair extensions were expensive spas. The only place that sells wigs/hair: the costume shop (there is only one). So, with that option off the table, I am rocking a scarf. This is cool, but just a little hot in all this sun. If anyone has any other solutions, I'm all ears.

The story doesn't stop here, however. I sunburned my scalp! My head is in pain! So step 2, after covering up the situation, was to find something to soothe and heal. My first instinct was to get some aloe vera gel. Now, as I said before, I live in the tropics. It's hot. People get sunburned all the time. I'm thinking, I'll just hit up the local pharmacy and will have my pick of aloe products. WRONG! There were three brands, all of which listed alcohol as the second ingredient, and aloe vera somewhere towards the bottom of this list. There was no way that stuff was going on my hair. I went to three different pharmacies and they grocery store with no success. I even went to the islands so-called "specialty" market, only to discover that they had even less options than the pharmacy. Not being one to give up to easily, I paused a moment in the shade to think through my options. Then I remembered, all the beautiful aloe plants growing on my friend C's balcony. I gave here a ring immediately. She was more than happy to help me out, and cut a nice big piece for me. In the end, I was able to make my own little happy hair concoction. I'm happy to report that it is working. My scalp is no longer burning. I'll be using this stuff all week, and hopefully by Sunday my scalp will be completely healed. The ingredients for the concoction are list below for anyone who wants to try it. I don't ever measure anything, so you will have to come up with your own recipe. Also, if anyone has any other remedies for scalp sunburn, I am all ears.

*Peace*

Ray's Aloe Remedy ingredients:

One medium to large piece of aloe plant (I cut the green outer shell off, and just used the clear gel)

Olive oil

Castor oil

Dollop of unrefined Shea Butter

African Pride Herbal oil

5 drops of Peppermint EO

5 drops of Rosemary EO

3 drops of Clary Sage EO

Vegetable Glycerine

A splash of lemon juice (I use this as a preservative)

Put all this in the blender, except the EO's. Blend until mixed. Add EO's. Store in the fridge.

Hair Journey, Part ?

Ok, so I recently cut my locs, again. And, I honestly needed to cut them b/c my hair was a hot mess: ends unravelling and new growth coming in way to slow. Like most people who do the BC, once I saw all that hair gone I felt panic. Then, once I saw me, I felt joy. Unlike some, however, this was my third time doing a BC. Having been natural for about 10 years, I guess this transition had less to do with "knowing my natural self", than just needing to start over with some healthier hair. But, even as I say that, I'm not sure I buy it. It's funny, I have always wanted crazy curly hair. I was always told that I would never have it without doing some kind of chemical process. So, I rocked a wave noveau until I got tired of staining my clothes and the furniture. After that I gave up on my curly hair desire and rocked a perm. Then one day, and I remember this vividly, I was coming out of the shower after having washed my hair, and I saw curls. I nearly lost my mind. My hair! Curl!? What had I done, and how could I do it again?! Well, those little curls didn't look like they were gonna hang on too long, so I slather them with gel and dried them up right quick. Not a good idea, I know, but the curls stayed. I saw the potential in that moment, and investigated how to make those little curls permanent.


Someone told me the only way to get my natural curl was to go natural. I had no idea what that was. I grew up in small town South Carolina. I don't even think going natural existed there. But I pressed on, and decided to cut my hair and let it grow. Unfortunately, with the cultural education that I was working with, I did not see curls. I saw naps, naps, and more naps. I combed my dry hair, gelled it, dyed it, and did all sorts of horrible things to it. Then one day, I gave up and got it braided. I wore braids for a minute, then one of my friends loced her hair up. I didn't know what a loc was, but it looked like some relief from my constant hair battles, so I went for it. And for years, I felt so righteous, I WAS NATURAL. No perm here. Take that chemical mess somewhere else! But, in hindsight, I know that I wasn't really embracing my hair the way it was. Locs, for me, were a way to have straight hair that swung in the wind, it was acceptable. It was not the kinky mess that grew out of my head naturally.


Now, in my defense, back when I was struggling with my hair, there wasn't as much open conversation about curly kinky black hair. It was still called nappy when I was rocking my little fro. There weren't cool sites like curlynikki.com, naturallycurly.com, and thecoilreview.com. There weren't tons of youtube videos on care and styling. But, when you know better you do better. I am now rocking what is currently known as a twa. I have learned to embrace my natural hair. I have learned to care for it, and I've learned to let it have its bad days and good days. I have been natural for 10 years, but I'm just now learning to accept my natural self. I am finally working towards the culy hair I've always wanted, and now I'm armed with the information I need to get it, care for it, and maintain it. I'm not saying I'll never go back to locs. What I'm saying is, that I'm finally learning how to be beautiful as me, and no matter what's on my head.

Like a Virgin?

So, this is the first installment of what I hope will be a continuous conversation between me and whoever is listening out there about what's happening in life. I wish I could say that this is my first attempt at blogging, but this is actually attempt three. I'm hoping this time the need to write will stick. That said, the reason I started this blog, is that I have a lot on my mind. Things topping the list right now:

1. HAIR--who hasn't had that on the brain at least once or twice?

2. Moving-- will be back in the air again soon...

3. Writing-- needing to get the journals back out and get some poetry down

4. Publishing-- I got skills, who wants to print em'!

5. Marketing-- Oh, the piles of handmade jewelry just waiting to be sold, but how to get the word out?

I could go on, but I'll leave that to the other posts. Hopefully, this blog will be a place to start conversation about many things. I hope some of you out there in cyber land follow along and put in your two cents every now and again.

*Peace*