Hair Journey, Part ?

Ok, so I recently cut my locs, again. And, I honestly needed to cut them b/c my hair was a hot mess: ends unravelling and new growth coming in way to slow. Like most people who do the BC, once I saw all that hair gone I felt panic. Then, once I saw me, I felt joy. Unlike some, however, this was my third time doing a BC. Having been natural for about 10 years, I guess this transition had less to do with "knowing my natural self", than just needing to start over with some healthier hair. But, even as I say that, I'm not sure I buy it. It's funny, I have always wanted crazy curly hair. I was always told that I would never have it without doing some kind of chemical process. So, I rocked a wave noveau until I got tired of staining my clothes and the furniture. After that I gave up on my curly hair desire and rocked a perm. Then one day, and I remember this vividly, I was coming out of the shower after having washed my hair, and I saw curls. I nearly lost my mind. My hair! Curl!? What had I done, and how could I do it again?! Well, those little curls didn't look like they were gonna hang on too long, so I slather them with gel and dried them up right quick. Not a good idea, I know, but the curls stayed. I saw the potential in that moment, and investigated how to make those little curls permanent.


Someone told me the only way to get my natural curl was to go natural. I had no idea what that was. I grew up in small town South Carolina. I don't even think going natural existed there. But I pressed on, and decided to cut my hair and let it grow. Unfortunately, with the cultural education that I was working with, I did not see curls. I saw naps, naps, and more naps. I combed my dry hair, gelled it, dyed it, and did all sorts of horrible things to it. Then one day, I gave up and got it braided. I wore braids for a minute, then one of my friends loced her hair up. I didn't know what a loc was, but it looked like some relief from my constant hair battles, so I went for it. And for years, I felt so righteous, I WAS NATURAL. No perm here. Take that chemical mess somewhere else! But, in hindsight, I know that I wasn't really embracing my hair the way it was. Locs, for me, were a way to have straight hair that swung in the wind, it was acceptable. It was not the kinky mess that grew out of my head naturally.


Now, in my defense, back when I was struggling with my hair, there wasn't as much open conversation about curly kinky black hair. It was still called nappy when I was rocking my little fro. There weren't cool sites like curlynikki.com, naturallycurly.com, and thecoilreview.com. There weren't tons of youtube videos on care and styling. But, when you know better you do better. I am now rocking what is currently known as a twa. I have learned to embrace my natural hair. I have learned to care for it, and I've learned to let it have its bad days and good days. I have been natural for 10 years, but I'm just now learning to accept my natural self. I am finally working towards the culy hair I've always wanted, and now I'm armed with the information I need to get it, care for it, and maintain it. I'm not saying I'll never go back to locs. What I'm saying is, that I'm finally learning how to be beautiful as me, and no matter what's on my head.