Moving Away from Passion

I just read an awesome article by Mark Manson on finding your passion. Aside from the fact that Manson is quickly becoming one of my favorite voices on the internet, the article was just spot on for where I am right now. Basically he says that if you have to find your passion you are in big trouble. You already know what your passion is, you are just ignoring it. There are many reasons that we ignore are passions, and we can legitimize them all. I won't attempt make comment on how other people manage their time, but I can speak on how the past year has been full of my own elegant dodging of my passions. I have fallen into the work-eat-sleep rut by choice, eeking out only moments here and there for painting, writing, creating, yoga, and meditation. I have no doubt that these things are my passion, as I do them without thought of time or consequences. Unfortunately, lately, I don't do them nearly enough. And that is really an oversight on my part, not the part of some nameless faceless overlord who has tied my hands. I make time for all sorts of things in my day that don't really feed me, but serve to numb the pain of being unhappy in my current situation. While I don't foresee my situation changing any time soon, I still am not letting myself off the hook for ignoring my passions. I know that no matter how tired I am, picking up a paint brush immediately energizes me. And no matter how sore I am, my yoga mat is always a welcome friend. And when I want to tap out, meditation is a far better companion than mindless internet surfing (although that has led me to write quite a few fun article responses that no one has seen but me). I have made a choice to ignore my passions, as so many of us do, because it is easier to just numb out. And it is easier to numb out because I know that if I pick up that paint brush or my needle and thread, I will get lost in the play and not  get back to "work". Or worse, I will cut myself off in that moment because I have to get back to "work".

The other point that Manson made, which I can speak on from direct experience, is that we do not always need to seek to make our passions our job. That maybe it is okay to have just a normal job where you work with some people that you like doing something that is okay, and do things that you are passionate about in your free time. I tried living off my passions, using my art, jewelry, yoga teaching, and other random skills to keep myself fed. It was not for me. I like being able to sit down and create and let whatever is going to happen happen. And what happens may be completely unusable and have to be taken apart and put together a few times only to be taken apart for good or discarded. I'm certainly okay with that as an artist, but that is not a good way to pay the rent. So, I looked for balance by finding a "9-5", only to be put into a position where my energy was so drained that there was little left for passion. Again, perhaps I was just dodging, but the sensation of exhaustion was really and truly felt. Now I am in space where I'm looking for equilibrium- the okay job with the good salary and some cool people that doesn't take up all of my time and energy. And what's even nicer, is that I've regained my faith that it is out there. I'm no longer looking for something that is often prefaced with the word "dream". In fact it is also no longer in the realm of "passion". It is in the realm of balance.

Reading Mark Manson's article didn't really tell me anything I didn't already know. But it is always good to have these voices hit us in the head with some truth so that we are constantly being mindful of how we walk through this human experience. I, personally, would love for the word "passion" to just disappear. It is overused and buzzy, and sets us up for disillusionment. Instead I am looking at balance, integration, and whole being. There are so many different facets to who we are as people. The ideal situation is that all those little facets get some space to breathe and grow.  Balance, integration, whole being. And so it is.